Do you know the difference between a dream and a fantasy? Yeah, you're right--dreams include nightmares, as well as our deepest fears. Fantasies are unrealistic; they only focus on the positive, fun, entertaining and rewarding aspect of what we want. As a psychologist, social worker, and professor there is one thing that I have observed about people is that most people select careers, marriages, friends and the decision to become parents based on fantasies.
I am going to outline a few career choices to give you an overview as to whether or not your career choice is a true dream or a fantasy. This will give you an idea as to what your true intentions are as well as whether or not you are truly suited for your selected profession.
Teacher
Fantasy
You love children and enjoy the idea dealing with adults in a very limited manner. You love history, math, science, art, English, etc... You can't wait to share your knowledge and expertise in your chosen field. You love the idea of having summers off. In most cases, you will always be able to find a job. You will have someone to look up to you and respect you. You will have a great pension.
Dream
You realize that many children will come to school tired, hungry, or uninterested in the subject matter but you have the patience, and enthusiasm to help them learn anyway. You realize that many children come from broken homes but you are willingly to go the extra mile to help them with behavioral problems and obtain needed resources. You are willing to work with children with a variety of learning styles and academic abilities by using a variety of learning activities to reach each child. You understand that many parents may be tired, frustrated and angry during parent teacher conferences; this is not a problem for you because you have strong people skills and you know how to make people of various social, racial, and economic backgrounds feel good about themselves and their child. Communicating with people inside and outside of the classroom is your special gift. You feel comfortable simplifying complex information for most people to understand it. You are willing to take a teaching position where ever jobs are available because you are willing to work hard including writing grants. You are flexible.
Doctor / Pediatrician
Fantasy
You love children. All of your life you knew that you wanted to help children. You look forward to giving children stickers and lollipops after each well-child check up visit at the doctor's office. You have always loved holding infants, since holding your first baby doll when you were three-years-old. You envision yourself in your white coat, with the sewn in label that reads: Dr. Tina Matthews. Wow! You earn well over 6 digits, you drive a nice car, and where ever you go people and envy and respect you as a role model. You hear your name called over the PA system, "Dr. Matthews is needed in room 1B." You hear yourself, telling a sobbing mother, that her child is going to be okay. What a life!
Dream
You realize that being a pediatrician means that most of the time that you see children they are not feeling their best. They are cranky, feverish, teething, constipated or have some type of rash. They are not going to be as happy to see you as you are to see them. You realize that you will be the person who must look a mother in her eyes and tell her that her three-year-old child is not going to live. You know that this is a part of your reality, but you know that you will give every child 100% of your expertise and then some because this is what you were born to do. You know that sick children will have runny noses and eyes, but you look forward to wiping them. Sometimes the nurse will give the immunization shots, but many times depending on where you work, you will be required to do it, but you don't mind it one bit. The thought of seeing a child corpse makes you sick to your stomach, but hell this is why you want to do this job, to save as many lives as possible. You are willing to take the good with the bad.
Business Owner
Fantasy
You can come and go as you please and set your own work hours. Besides the fact you hate getting up early in the mornings, now you can sleep in and never work another weekend. You will be your own boss and no one will be able to push you around or tell you what to do. You can make as much money as you like and not have to worry about punching a time clock or filling out a time sheet. You can schmooze with the big shots and take long, leisure lunches with others CEOs. This is the life. All you need is a great idea and bank loan.
Dream
You realize that you must put in 80 hours, 7 days a week and there is no guarantee that you will make a profit. When you worked for an employer you had one boss, now you realize that each customer is a boss and that you must meet their needs if you want your business to survive. You understand the challenges of paying for health insurance, paying and finding reliable employees, taxes, social-security and retirement funds. You are aware of the statistics that only a very small number of businesses are able to survive. You know that you will work harder than you ever would have for someone else and you are willing to wear as many hats as necessary- from janitor, cashier, book-keeper, receptionist to CEO all in a matter of minutes. You don't mind the challenge of managing your own business because you believe in your dream and you are willing to see it through and make the necessary changes for your business to survive.
Psychologist / Psychiatrist / Social Worker / Therapist / Counselor
Fantasy
You love helping people. Whenever anyone has a problem you are the first person they call. You love listening to juicy gossip and telling people what to do. You even practice saying, "Girl, you need to dump him." You have already decorated your office with wonderful paintings and comfortable furniture. You can't believe how easy it will be to sit, fill out paper work, listen to people, most importantly they pay you to tell them what you think-- all while drinking coffee or tea. What a life!
Dream
You read the statistics that psychiatrist have the highest rate of suicide of all professions. You know that social workers have extremely high case loads and are overworked and underpaid. You realize that the nature of your job is to listen to people complain, cry, whine and vent, but you want to be there to help them find their way through the fog in the most difficult times of their life. You know what it is like to be with someone who just lost a loved one or who was raped by someone they trusted. You feel comfortable with helping them channel their anger, pain, shame and disappointment into healthy productive behavior. You mind a person projecting their hurt feelings onto you because you are strong enough to handle their pain. You know that the people you help will be at low points in their life, and that you will have to take extra precautions to remain psychologically healthy by not bringing their problems home with you. You understand the good and bad of this field, yet this is what you were born to do.
Singer / Actor / Celebrity
Fantasy
You want to become a household name and earn millions of dollars. You have already practiced the way you will wave to adoring fans and sign your name on autographs. You love the thought of people absolutely adoring you.
Dream
All of your life you have wanted to be in show business. You are aware that if you ever become extremely famous that you could lose your privacy. Every pound that you gain or lose will be published in rag magazines. The world will have a front row view as you experience divorce, new love, or family tragedies. You are aware that you are only as hot as your last movie, book, or CD and that up and coming artist will replace you. You are prepared to wait tables, teach school or do whatever is necessary while you wait for parts to come in. You know that it may take a long time to get your big break, if ever, but you are committed to the process of making your dreams come true. You know the ups and downs of what lie ahead of earning a prosperous living as an actor, but you know in your spirit that you were designed to travel this road in life--and you choose to proceed with your eyes wide open.
How will I know that it is time to wake up from a dream?
There are two things that I would like for you to keep in mind. The first thing I want you to do is pay close attention to what lucky breaks and opportunities that fall into your lap that are unexplainable and mentors who take you up under their wings who are excited about sharing important information and guiding your career down paths that they have already traveled to prevent you from making the mistakes that they might have made in the past.
Sometimes we don't have a title for our dream so we use terms that are familiar to us. For example, you may think that you want to be an actress but what you really want to do is work in the media and become a movie producer and create meaningful roles for other actors. Your original dream will lead you in the right arena, but sometimes our true destiny is not to be a baseball star, but own a baseball team, or be a baseball coach or write a book about baseball. Pay close attention to where your dream leads you.
The second thing that you should pay close attention to is your emotions. How do you feel about what you are doing? Do you look forward to getting up in the morning? If your life is filled with happiness and joy, you are definitely, without doubt on the right track.
Lastly, I want you to know that you came to earth perfectly equipped with the perfect mental and physical capabilities to manifest your dreams. If you want to be a supermodel and you are 4ft 3 inched tall and 160 lbs, it is your destiny to create your own modeling agency, fashion magazine, or clothes line for other women like yourself who want to express their unique beauty in the world. Just because something doesn't exist, it doesn't mean that it shouldn't. When you make your own dreams come true, you also make other people's dream come true. Some beautiful woman who is 4ft tall would dream of modeling in your fashion show or writing for your magazine.
You wake up when you have decided that you want to live with the reality of what will exist in your life when you decide to give up. But please remember, you have chosen this reality--it didn't just happen to you.
Dr. Cassandra George Sturges MA